Category Archives: birth

Overcoming Heart Trauma – Part I

It wasn’t the best time for a crisis to come, but they never come when we are ready.

My daughter, the independent diva, who had her own place, made good money, and took care of her own business sheepishly admitted that she was pregnant and that because of the birth control methods she used, she wasn’t really sure when she became pregnant; and she didn’t know anything about what she is headed into. Shocked by her news, I wasn’t ready to be a grandmother, but that I also knew that wasn’t really the point.

Being a doula who has delivered over twenty babies myself with no major complications, I had to think back to my old training.

Still, I wasn’t ready.

I was just finalizing a complicated divorce and my ex and were both trying to navigate the closing up of a twenty-year relationship. There were more lose ends than a shaggy carpet.

The other issues didn’t matter. We all had to figure out what to do with a new baby who was on her way whether we were ready or not.

My adult daughter moved in with me and things were never not like they were before she was an adult.  Nothing was really the same again.

Thank God I was anchored by a good spiritual connection.  I was active in church and had many people praying for my daughter and her unborn baby.  My daughter wasn’t into church, but she  was scared about all of the unknowns of pregnancy.  She was smart enough to trust her mom and knew that I would do what I could to help her through this.

Again, that wasn’t the point.  The point was a new baby was on the way to us and we needed to get ready.

Since I had been a doula for over 15 years, and had all natural or as close to natural as possible births, I wasn’t really nervous about my abilities.

But sometimes, you don’t know what you don’t know.

This was certainly the case here.

What happened with her arrival tilted the world on a new axis and changed everything from our daily priorities to the way we interacted with each other, on every level.

The most important thing we learned was about how a crisis can either be a curse or a blessing, and how each day gives us a chance to choose which perspective we will hold.

I learned the valuable lesson about  how no matter how much we don’t want the responsibility, moms carry the emotional load by example for everyone in the family. Even the so called “estranged” family members are under her influence.

I knew that if I broke down, everyone else would break down; and if I were strong, everyone else would be strong. This was a life or death crisis.

Damn. What a trickbag.


Part II to be continued in three days…